Jan 1st Beginning Ritual

It's been over a year since I've done a proper ritual. Just that one energy working for a friend when she was being stalked on the astral plane back in march of last year. So much has happened I still feel very disconnected even in ritual. My head does feel a lot clearer and focused though.  Even after three weeks of illness it's like getting a new pair of contact lenses.  Something clicks and the vision clears.

I invoked the dragons. It's been a while. I looked all through my BOS and none of the rituals that I had recorded had the dragon invocation or circle casting or quarter calls. I got those from DJ Conway's book. I started using that years ago and it just seems to click for me. I'm not one of those people who is afraid of grey areas or tough subjects. I like to know the teacher I have will hold me to a high standard. So there will be some time needed to work back into the fold with them. I've been very neglectful these past two or three years.

It felt really good tonight. I did a ritual from the Almanac involving the Dragon Bowl. This ritual required a fish bowl and some supplies which I did not have so I built it up in my mind and charged the image. I'll go to the dollar store tomorrow and get those supplies I've listed plus diaper and kitty litter. I forgot those things last store trip and we just ran out totally.

One of my favorite books is Seasons of the Witch by Patricia Monaghan. I opened to a random page during ritual and turned to page 141. The poem was "Angerona, Signaling Silence". It resonated with me because silence has always been a place of safety for me. Often I have been misunderstood because of my silence. I think long and hard about things, sometimes I like to sit back and watch others.  I've been called stuck up, stupid, boring, etc. for that silence. Stuck up is particularly ironic given that I actually have low self-esteem.
I don't think of myself as boring or stupid. I've worked hard to develop my intellect and am much above average in my reasoning abilities.

This poem really struck home with the line "the moment before bleeding". I am actually just starting to spot for my period.  So it's literal for me. It is also figurative. When one bares their emotions it is a sort of bleeding. This is the day I start that process of trying to figure out my past and bleeding out the poison and the fever that is infecting my ability to be fully healthy.

I have a friend who is coming over sometime this weekend hopefully, to do some Reiki on me. I've known her for years and she has always been a natural healer. These past few years she's really been developing that. I can't wait to see how much she's grown. She's never actually worked on me before. Today she did mention over the phone that even from a distance she can tell my throat chakra needs some serious work.

I totally agree. I've been completely blocked creatively in my writing for years even before my daughter was born. The last real creative thing I did was that Long Ridge Writing course back in 2009. I was so close to finishing the revisions with that novel, I just lost interest and dropped it. Grrr.  Issues finishing things lots of times.

I'll try to remain open about dreams tonight. But my daughter needs to get up early for pre-pre-school. We'll see if I can retain anything from dreams.