I started reading them when I was really young. I grew up watching Legend, Labyrinth, the Never ending Story, and the Last Unicorn. Was obsessed with Arthurian legends. They appealed to the simpler sense of right and wrong I had as a kid and definitely helped to inform my sense of philosophy about life, etc. They also had little romances in them.
I started getting books from my mom's friends around 4th or 5th grade. Harlequin romance novels. Ginder meant well to encourage my love of reading. I've always been a strong reader and well above grade level.
So, for the past 25 years romance is pretty much all I have ever read. With some excursions into other genre like Christopher Pike and paranormal stuff.
These past couple of years I've been frustrated with everything that I've read that was romantic. I started skipping the sex scenes and the declarations of love in favor of the mystery and plot that revolved around the relationship. I had amassed a large collection of books that I kept to re-read, especially Feehan. I had all of her series and up to date as well.
I don't know if it was the pregnancy, the birth and raising my daughter that had anything to do with this. Perhaps my brain chemistry changed. It could also be life circumstance. I read those books to get what I wasn't getting, the presence of a strong but honorable, sexy guy. Then I married one. Perhaps my interest in these books has been waning since I met him and I've only just noticed.
So I gave all of my books away. All the Feehan, the erotica and even some of the porn. My Louis Royo collection went as well. I know the person I gave it to will love it like I did but I just don't feel the need for it anymore.
We've also almost cut our library in half. We've purged five bookshelves worth of books. A set of encyclopedia from the 80s, not a large loss as well as other volumes we did not intend to read or reference. I tried to make sure to keep the books I find myself referencing all the time and books that I work from for ritual. I just have no patience for the boring pattern of those romances and the constant same-ness of these guys written about.
I still defend reading the books. It doesn't make you less of a feminist to read a little romance. It doesn't mean you want to be dominated like some idiots like to say. It's like a quickie. Good for taking the edge off.
Now that I'm engaging in this quest to deal with all the crap that has built up over the years so I can finally let loose the death-grip I have on my resentments, I need to start reading things that reflect that. I actually did start reading realistic fiction this past year. I think I subconsciously knew this moment would come. I would have to come to a point of grappling with the past and reading about others doing the same. This will help guide my journey plus give me an idea of how to write about this kind of thing.
My journals were more books for complaining and only once in a while did I really question and follow the roots of that anger in a really long entry. I have to avoid complaining, listing events and listing grievances. Autobiographical writing that has healing power is not the same as all that.
I've added another book to my list of sources to help with this focus.
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