Imbolc 2014

I did a general ritual with specificly Brigid and Lugh. A general invocation of the elements, the dragons and consecrating the circle. I used "Maiden" page 32 from Seasons of the Witch and then randomly selected "Full Moon" page 55.   The cat came up to get me during cakes and ale so I took the hint and closed the circle rather than sitting there and brooding.

Have had a few rage attacks today. After Bri went to bed so that was good. Brooding on crap from the schools I've taught at, resentment over closed-minded assholes who fucked my career over, not that I didn't help with my mental blockages and refusal to let abuse slide off the duck's back. Rage built pretty badly. Seems to have dissipated quite a bit after ritual.

Funny how that works.

The Maiden poem reminded me of the girl I was when I first left home and went to college downstate. Lots of woods to run through, fresh air and new people. I was very bold and outspoken in a way I had never been back home. I tried to hard to be in denial of my childhood at the same time I sought therapy to help work through it. I was very outspoken about injustices and wanted to take on the world. It's normal at that age to become a cause-head, and to join groups and write the paper, etc. I did as much of that as my social-phobia would let me.

I loved the fire that I was working on building in myself. I didn't take shit from anyone, until Dave. Then my self-esteem finally hinged again on another person's opinion of me.  I had to struggle to get out of that and didn't quite make it again. I'll definitely have to work on that issue in my life.

I wanted to remember and honor that girl I was tonight.

"Full Moon" reminds me how much I want to move in ritual and how much I know that it's part of the calling. Currently I have not space to move around the altar. I have no yard to use for ritual. I'm so hoping I'll be able to right that wrong at our next house. We'll see how that goes.

It's late but I'm not too tired yet. Ritual wires me a bit. I've been sleeping really well the past month or so. I'm starting to feel more myself. Still need to work on the sexual aspect of things.

Laurie Cabot has a book Love Magic that I've used spells out of years ago. They really do work. One spell involves re-igniting passion in a relationship. I might be able to use or alter that slightly to help with the situation on a magical level.

Note about grieving spell: The book calls for 3 Sundays--I've decided I'm going to do it once a month over the next 11 months and drag it out. I think it will be more effective for my purposes. So I'll revisit that spell at the center of each month.