I decided to be spontaneous last night and didn't plan a spell in circle. I used the invocations and circle casting from January the first. I used the death spell from last month. I then meditated a bit on my needs for the next months. I felt I really needed focus because I've been so overwhelmed with stuff that I've been processing. Then I focused on needing to become more connected to my body. I need to begin paying attention to my five senses and spend time just feeling the world. Listening to sounds I take for granted, the feel of objects I usually ignore like clothing and things I touch. The hope is that I'll wake up from a numbness I have been under for a while.
It was at that moment I opened the book. I almost didn't even pay attention to my hands at first. I pulled my attention to the page I had been stroking and read it.
Page 92. The piece was called "Fall" and started on page 91 in Seasons of the Witch.
The paragraph that I really focused on was page 92 even though I turned back and read the whole thing from the beginning.
There was one paragraph that really grabbed my attention and I had quite the crying fit over it. I had to break down for a bit and let it out. That was tough. But it was what I needed right at the moment I was feeling my own numbness.
"Her life grows full of endings: parents and friends die, animals she has loved disappear in a gasp, dreams fade beyond reclaiming. She does not recognize, when the deaths starts, that fall has begun. But later she will remember. After that one, it was never the same. Never again will she hold a living body without knowing the fragility of its life, the closeness of its death."
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