I refused to return to my home town for about 4 weeks because my bro was still living in the house. The lawyer worked with him to get him vacate. He did move his furniture and dogs out of the house marking his official leaving. He took mom's washer and dryer.
I kept going to back to check on my grandma's clock and to close the stupid windows and doors. I was going up every other week to do paperwork with the lawyer and check on the property. Even after he moved out he kept demanding money from the lawyer. The lawyer told him repeatedly he couldn't pay any money out from the estate account without taking care of all taxes, liquidating property and finalizing all matters of the estate with the courts. This could take over a year.
Trying to maintain good will with my bro, I called my Uncle to get him to extend some cash to my bro. My other Uncle who had died a couple months before my father had back in 2011, had some funds set aside for my uncle, the executor of his will, to distribute in the family as he saw fit. He decided to give it to the grandkids. He was holding my bro's on the condition that he clean his act up. In good faith he gave him 2K.
My bro went through that in one week. I don't know how he spent it. He took it out of the bank in cash. I got the account statement because mom's name was still on it and her mail was being transferred to me.
In June I finished packing up mom's things and got as much of the small stuff as I could to the goodwill. I left most of the big stuff figuring my bro wanted to buy the house. He had expressed his interest to the lawyer and we wanted to get the papers drawn up and get that done.
In July things started to get tense. My bro got his own lawyer and the estate lawyer refused to talk to him. It had to be done between the two lawyers in order to keep things above board and clean. I guess it would be a conflict of interest if the estate lawyer had an in office conversation with him without his lawyer present. things could get ugly. This seemed to freeze out my bro and he started taking furniture out of the house in earnest at this point. I believe he was selling it. The lawyer told me at this time that if anything else disappeared to call the police. It was theft of estate property. My bro also challenged the will and the beneficiaries listed on the life insurance policy.
The will had listed the beneficiaries 40: 40: 10: 10 Meaning me: my bro: my daughter: any other grandkids at the time of death. The beneficiaries on the life insurance listed 50 me: 50 my bro. The lawyer wanted the inheritance money to go through the will so we could resolve this dispute of percentages as well as set up the trust fund. My bro's portion was supposed to be put into a trust fund headed by me and my husband. I was not keen on this either. The lawyer told my bro's lawyer that I could just cut a whole check for the whole thing at the time of closing the estate. It was not a big deal. So this crazy shit was holding up the settlement of the life insurance policy. My bro wanted half of my daughter's inheritance. She would get 20% because she is the only grandchild.
I made sure to pick up grandma's clock. My bro had punched a whole in the wall beside it. That showed actual restraint because I really believed he would destroy it to spite me. Mom had given it to me before she died but she had been holding it for me until I could get safe transportation. My uncle was there that day in July that I came to pick it up. I had asked him and my aunt to meet me at the house for advice on what to do about the floors. My bro's dogs had peed and pooped everywhere and I was concerned the floors were not salvageable. While we were looking at the house my bro showed up with his strung-out girlfriend.
We managed to keep things civil. My uncle started haggling him out his behavior and what he needed to do to get the payout from my uncle's estate. He tried to explain to him that it wasn't a guaranteed inheritance but money that my uncle had declared the executor could "disperse at his discretion". They helped up load the clock into the car. The POA's boyfriend helped me a lot at that time. He helped me find someone to help move the clock, clean the leaves that were inches deep by the house and get bills not forwarded to me to the lawyer. I was very grateful at this point.
My bro had shown up reeking of alcohol on this day. My uncle ragged on him about that. My bro's chick followed me into the house when I went to get the seascape pictures from my former bedroom wall. She tried to get me to be easy on my bro. She kept saying he's trying to be good and I shouldn't upset him. She had obviously been scared by him. She sounded like a chick who knew his temper and was desperate to not get beat or get someone else beat.Obvious signs of being a battered girlfriend. I remember that from my own abusive relationship. She had the same desperate and scared energy about her.
I thought things were going to be okay. He was told repeatedly to not take things from the house. I took pictures of everything and sent copies to the lawyer. Then in the beginning of Sept. I went back. I intentionally stayed away for 6 weeks because I just didn't want to deal with anything. I was trying to pull myself back into a normal and calm life. It didn't help that Mrs R called to say my bro's place was broken into. I called the POA's boyfriend and asked him to drive by the house and tell me if any lights were on. I had changed the locks again the end of July. But I had intentionally left the light on in my old room. I had been up there at the end of July just for one day to drop off papers with the lawyer and spent maybe 30 minutes locking up the house and changing the main door locks.
When I went there the first or second week of Sept. I noticed muddy footprints all over the floor, and my jaw dropped when I saw the master bedroom furniture gone. He'd hocked mom's furniture and I just lost it. My chest hurt. I called the police and spent hours at the station filling out paperwork and trying to get them to pursue the charges.
I called a real estate company and set up a time to sign sale papers and called salvation army to pick up the furniture that was left for a whole estate donation. I went back Tues and Wed the following week. The POA's boyfriend hired two people to help clear out the house Wed afternoon. it gave me Tuesday night to pack up all the china and dishes, take out bags of garbage and non-donatable items, and paint the walls white. I also signed the sale contract. Wed morning I got the guys from salvation army to take all the good stuff. That was what was rest of the bedroom furniture, the dining room and living room furniture and all the china and usable kitchen wear. I drove the rest of the donations to the goodwill myself. Whatever they wouldn't take came back home with me to donate to goodwill here. I got the chimney repaired that afternoon, and had the house completely cleaned out of all the rest of the furniture and the basement crap.
Wed evening someone had called the cops about the "fire hazard" on the front lawn. He told us as long as the heaps of stuff was gone in 7 days we wouldn't be cited. The two helpers managed to get it all gone in less than 2 days. I got a call from the POA's boyfriend about my bro losing his shit on the front lawn with all of the house crap on the front lawn. I laughed and danced. I was giddy with it. I didn't realize how the ripples would effect the case.
That weekend on Sat. I came back with a friend, J, and we finished cleaning out the house. The two helpers came back and removed the piano, hifi, and crib. A family across the street took the crib, a piano teacher in town too the piano, and the hifi disappeared 24 hours later.
[The thing that set me off the most was constant calls over that 4 month period from the POA's boyfriend that whipped me up into worry. I started not answering the phone after a while. The gossip just pissed me off. Then Mrs R would question me about my bro and badger me about family therapy and resolving out problems. She just wouldn't understand that no resolution was possible. I stayed with her a few times, and when my husband had to come up with me to do paperwork in June, we had brought my daughter and stayed there. We stayed at a hotel once because we really didn't want to deal with the drama and the possibility that my bro would show up.]
We arrived at the house around noon. Just after I pulled into the driveway, he and his chick drove past in a black pickup. The turned around in a driveway down the street and came back. J and I ran into the house and I proceeded to have a nervous breakdown while trying to call the helpers to get here quick and scare him off. He knocked at the door repeatedly and then left. The helpers and the POA's boyfriend showed up about 10 minutes later. They managed to clean the house in under an hour and left. J and I worked on carpets, floors and paint in the front of the house.
They showed up again and I panicked, although not as bad as the first time. I called the police because the chick was in the front yard screaming obscenities at me and my bro was driving. With 2 DWIs pending, his license was suspended and he should not be behind the wheel. I guess the chick thought J was me so she took pictures of her staring back at her through the window and screamed threats at her. They left again. The unmarked police car drove by 5 minutes later missing catching them in the act. I was also informed that week that no charges would be pursued because ownership of the house and contents had not been formally declared. Without an owner no one had the right to press charges for theft. Even being executor did not give me the right to protect the property.
I was really jumpy the rest of the night and we finished as quickly as we could. I did not get everything done. I wanted to patch the walls he had punched holes into but we ran out of time. We decided to not stay overnight. When Mrs R attacked me minutes after I walked in, it was reinforced that we were driving home overnight. My bro must have gone to her after the first and/or second time he went by the house and filled her full of craziness. She was really worked up. My bro had gotten to her. Up until that moment she seemed to be not choosing sides and then she turned. She tried to lecture me on getting help for my rage problems.
J raised her eyebrow at that. She said she had never seen me like that when my bro showed up the first time he did. I had a full out PTSD meltdown.
I had contacted Mrs. R that Sat. to arrange a place for J and I to crash just in case. I wondered why my bro knew that I was coming and how he knew when. When I went over to see her later that night, around 9pm, she pounced on me. She hollered at me about why I put all of the household stuff on the front lawn. J figured out she was the one who had told him to meet me at the house. She knew when I would be there because of the conversation we had had. J figured she was trying to force a confrontation so we could talk and resolve our problems. We did no stay there even as late as it was. We drove back that night.
Since then the POA's boyfriend did me the favor of letting the chimney guys in to finish bringing the chimney up to code and dropped the keys off at the lawyers. I haven't spoken to anyone from my hometown since then. The phones have stayed silent as well. No more gossip and crap. It took me over a week to work out the pain in my joints and sickness from the adrenaline spike, not to mention staying up all night in the car driving back. J drove most of the way, thankfully. She kept me sane and wouldn't let me be alone. We got some good laughter in as well. Once out of the situation, I could look back on it like a Springer episode and laugh.
I haven't spoken to my uncles and aunts either at this point. It's been months and I'm finally starting to feel normal again.
My bro gave into the demands of the estate lawyer less than a week after what happened on Sat in mid-Sept. and signed an agreement to honor my daughter's inheritance. We got a buyer for the house in less than a month and my bro counter offered so that's done. We also got a buyer for the house in FL 2 weeks after it entered the market at asking price. Fantastic. Just the timeshares to deal with, taxes, fees and we're done.
I'm hoping bro will want the timeshares and we can unload them to him. They don't sell well on any market.
So I'm almost free. Hence the need for complete cleansing next year.
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