Psych Meds update

I never did come back to this blog and update on the progress. It's been a few crazy years.

I've been busy and distracted and started another blog on Runes and continued my old blog just devotional poetry and thoughts and ideas.

I was only on Xanax and the anxiety med for a year. I weaned off of it around Christmas 2015.  I'm really glad it is gone. There is some truth to that Stepford Wife thing some people describe.
I was all passive, disturbingly calm, and felt like I was in a bubble.  It doesn't just water down the anxiety, it waters down all of the emotions. Everything was stunted.

The Xanax did something to my head.  My brain works differently now. I used to be really verbal, with a Master's in English and a Master's in English Education. I was all words and stories.  Now I am more pictures and visual.  I've stopped writing fiction like I used to. Not that I was any good at it really anyway, but I used to write constantly. I was always working on a novel, 300 pages and multiple chapters.   I work with glass now and make stained glass panels.  I enjoy it and it helps calm me.  Destruction really seems to be my element.

I can't park my car straight. I used to be able to perfectly center my car in any space and thread through tight spaces. Now I am always too far to the right. Guess that explains that weird earthquake shift I felt the first time I took it.

It shouldn't be surprising. It's a psych med that messes with your brain chemistry and synapses.  I do have less problems with rage than I used to. Although I am feeling a bit more out of control with some returns of my old rage this passed year. Probably has a lot to do with the massive relapse I had after the election. Seeing someone as abusive as the males in my family get elected to office really messed me up.  I can't look at him without seeing my father or my brother's manipulative behavior

Every press conference is a flashback.

I'm working on taking Vitamin D every day, getting enough sleep, doing exercise, and trying to slow myself down so I think before I speak or act. I think I am managing my issues much better than before. I was in pure crisis mode in 2014. Totally the worst I have ever been in my life.  I'm glad I did what I did. It saved my life. It's kinda weird not having suicidal thoughts anymore. They haven't come back so that's a first since grade school.

I just have to deal with the neurological fall out now. My brain cells are not in the same places I left them.