Purpose in Writing

I have to state a purpose for writing. Because this project is going to take 12 months I need something I can come back to in order to refocus myself in my writing. I'm keeping the political rants in my other blog: Just Ranting.

I may rant about personal stuff in this blog. I intend to be totally honest as far as my point of view. I'm not doing this to make friends. Just relive the crap from 36 years of my life, process and purge pain and rage. There is always the possibility that some one will relate to what I am going through and may even get some good out of this.

This is a process I've been needing to do for years. I've only done this kind of thing in small rituals and over short periods of time. I've written about this idea in my BOS and diaries but have never been able to disconnect myself from my "busy work" to make it happen.

Because of so many things happening at the same time, I'm finally able to make it.

I'm drafting a calendar of rituals and themes to meditate on. These will focus each month into examining and cleansing 3 years of experiences. I'll start with the present and work my way back. By the time I get to Samhain I'll be at the point of age 1 to before birth. By Yule I can develop a re-birth ceremony for myself.

In order to really focus on the here and now, I need to deal with my suitcases full of heavy shit. I need to purge. I've spent the past few years purging my house of old crap. My tendency to go nuts and throw stuff out may be an outward manifestation of what I've been needing to do internally.

So each month I'll write a few blogs about the ritual, the meditations and thoughts I have. I will also give narrative about where all these issues come from. People. places, events. I'm not really comfortable using full names, so I'll probably use first names or initials.

I know I might alienate people who might still be in my life. I really don't care. These are my experiences, from my point of view and this is about my need to empty out the used up and ghetto shit that does nothing but keep me living in the past, bitter and broken.

My daughter's birth really changed things radically for me chemically, neurologically and in perspective. I didn't realize how different I had become when I became a mother, but the proof is here. I want her to have a joy filled life with a family that loves her. I don't want to pass on the weight of my childhood to her future.